For the Not-Shy-At-All!

If you and your partner have access to a computer, buy a set of webcams. Try to get one that has a microphone that’s a part of it. Having to wear a headset or lean forward into a table mic to talk can really hinder some of the things this webcam allows you to do.

• Learn to tease your partner. Carmen Electra offers a wonderful aerobic striptease dvd set for the ladies and your new moves will make for a great show for your partner. Remember, stripping is only half of “striptease”; don’t be in a rush to tear all your clothes off at once. Take your time. Enjoy yourself.
• If you’ve got a toy you use to bring yourself pleasure, let your partner “direct” you from where they are. While there’s several toys that are controlled directly by your partner (see Long Distance 1) I’m referring more to letting them tell you what they want to see. Be (relatively) honest in your reactions to what they’re having you do. This activity is also a great way to non-threateningly show them what pleases you and what doesn’t.
• If your webcam has a recording feature, send them a sexy video email. This can be anything from a private peep show to a cute wink and a slap on your ass. Entice them. Delight them. Remind your partner what a gem they have waiting at home for them.

If webcams are not a option, send your lover erotic emails or text messages. Make sure to keep your material varied. Don’t just send “I want to f* you so bad” every day. Remember the four W’s from grade school: Who, What, Where, Why, When? Use these in variation with “How” in your messages. It makes them more personal. This being said, you don’t need to make them all into mini-stories. Sometimes all you WANT is a good fucking, and that’s alright to say to!

If your partner is coming to visit soon or you are going to see them, send them steamy messages about what you want to do to them when you see them. Phone sex is great for this. You can fill many an evening acting out plans for future meetings!

For the Not-So-Shy

You can send your partner a personalized erotic story through email. One site that offers this service is hoochymail.com. At this site you can choose whether the story you send is “sexy”, “x-rated”, or “off the wall” (goofy), but be warned the sexy is pretty damn x-rated! You may choose to email both copies of the story to your own address so that you can edit it and tweak it to something a little more personal.

What’s really sexy about these stories, and the personal romance novels made to-order by sites like Book by You or YourNovel is that it’s your names  and personal details that are being used. This can make the shy receiver feel a little uncomfortable so be careful. I find that with a shyer partner it’s a good idea to go through the story and ‘sugar coat’ some of the cruder words (i.e.: “cock” to “shaft”) before you email it to them.

If you are the owner of a cell phone most come with a camera nowadays. You can use this camera in intimate moments to send pictures for your significant other to later enjoy. Just make sure they’re not receiving on a business cell phone because this can get them into a lot of trouble.

A word of advice: Make sure you and your partner are clear about who can see these pictures. A lot of women don’t realize that their sexy shot may be passed around for others to see in a group setting. Make sure to let your significant other know if this is past your comfort level.

Also, sexy doesn’t always mean hardcore. A picture of you bending down to tie your shoe in that really hot skirt you know your partner loves can sometimes be just as arousing as a close up shot of your genitals. Remember, its YOU they’re missing. Make it personal.

(Due to a breaking of my finger on Friday night, I’m going to keep these posts short and sweet. Once it’s healed I intend to come back and modify them.)

Previously, I wrote to some of the toys that can be used to keep the flame in a long distance relationship. (The visual assistance to follow could also easily be used by a couple who’re just looking to rekindle the romance in their relationship)

For the Shy

If you’ve got a certain romance novel you really like, order a copy for your partner to arrive by mail. Amazon.com is great for finding that book that your standard bookstore doesn’t always have (like my personal favorite; “Lion’s Bride” by Iris Johansen.) This is both an intimacy increasing act (as you let your partner into your own personal fantasy world) and a great way to broach the idea of new activities. Another option is to scan in pictures or email links from websites that you find to be arousing. Your not putting anything out there that’s directly you, and therefore some people find this easier then some of the more risqué options.

((Due to a problem with the webbernets at my house I’ll be doing a double update today and Friday to make up for a lack of one on Wednesday. Before I begin with the post I just want to remind you readers of something; I love answering questions people have and so, if you’d like one answered, or even further explanation on something I’ve put up here feel free to send me an email at ebilnepunian@gmail.com. ))

Q: My boyfriend/girlfriend has to move away for work and I’m worried she/he will seek outside sources to fufill their lust without me. Is there anything that can help keep the passion between us?

A: Keeping the nights hot from afar can be a real challenge, so I encourage you to talk to your partner ahead of time before the move about your concerns and worries. Try to use “I” statements rather than “you” statements (ie: “I worry when you go to the bar” rather than “You always get drunk and flirt with other men” ).

I encourage you to ask them how they feel about alternate forms of sexual activity, such as phone sex or cyber-sex. I personally believe that if you or your partner has never done either before starting with cyber-sex is the easier one to ease into. The reason for this being you can delete, keep it tame or raunchy and it tends to have more time for erotic build up. Also, a lot of women are used to reading romance novels and so it’s always easy to find a how-to reference.

A lot of people don’t feel comfortable with doing either of these things for a variety of reasons. That’s alright. Each person is different and while you can ask and maybe encourage you should NEVER push your partner into doing something sexually that they don’t want to do. There are few things more detrimental to a relationship than coercion in the sexual realm!

Think about what kind of things your partner likes sexually; are they a toy person? (Vibrators, dildos, sleeves etc.) Or do they tend to prefer visual stimulation? (Pornography, erotica, romance novels etc.)

Thankfully the internet is a great resource for long distance sexual aides.
In the realm of toys, there are a number of products available that have varying degrees of user interactivity.

1. The Jejoue: Sold here they’re defiantly on the pricy side but sadly most of these toys are. There’s just something about interactivity that makes us empty our pocketbooks. The jejoue is defiantly not a “wham-bam-thank you m’am” kinda toy. It’s promoted as being a sensual experience and, honestly folks, I haven’t read one bad review yet for the things.

What makes the jejoue great for the shy long distance couple is that you, or your partner can design “grooves” or patterns for the jejoue to follow. If you want it to just “keep doin; what its doin’” there’s a “don’t stop!” button that I believe is one of the best ideas had by a toy in a long time.

If you feel like performing for your partner girls, hook up the webcam and show him what his patterns do for you. If you’re shy about this sort of thing, just tell him later via phone or an IM. If you’re shy you don’t need to be explicit. Just say something like “I really enjoyed what you made for me ”

 

2. Teledildonics (aka USB sex toys): There are two main brands out there for these; HighJoy and Sinulate. Both offer both rabbit vibes and male masturbation sleeves so there’s something for everyone!

HighJoy is in a partnership with Vivid for video and Doc Johnson for sex toys. HighJoy makes you pay a monthly fee (about 10 dollars US) to use their online control service, whereas with Sinulate once you’ve bought the toy there are no hidden costs. The control panel also looks vaguely like an airplane’s which, I don’t know about you, but makes me feel pretty important, directing all those buttons. You can also see an animation of how the toy is moving, which I think it pretty damn hot.

The toys for HighJoy are little bit better quality, especially the male sleeve, but the monthly fee can really add up. As a student, I’d recommend Sinulate, but if you’ve got the money to spare why not splurge.Highjoy can be found here and thier rabbit vibe is also sold through Adam and Eve.com. Sinulate products can be found here .

The Sinulate Rabbit

The Sinulate Sleeve

The Highjoy Rabbit

The HighJoy Sleeve

Coming tomorrow: Long Distance Solutions for the Visual Oriented Partner!

(This post is oriented towards heterosexual geek boys looking to enter a relationship with a girl. It’s an article I’ve asked to write a number of times so I figure here is a good a place as any)

I have been asked an indefinite number of times by my male friends on how to attract women into their lives. Considering the amazing people that a lot of nerd boys tend to be, I’m always shocked that they’ve not been snatched up by some other girl. But that’s a rant for another day…

I have compiled a 3 point (though by no means exhaustive list) of things nerdling boys can do to attract that girl of their dreams.

1) SMILE!- Boys, I can’t emphasize this enough. You may be too shy to start up a conversation with that beauty who sits in lab with you, but the least you can do is make yourself seem approachable. I had a friend (we’ll call him Adam) who was a computer science major. He was smart, funny, and kind. His only problem was that he was cripplingly shy. I told him nothing more than to smile at his classmates as they came in to class. Within two weeks he was calling me up, eager to tell me he’d found love! Of course, he was exaggerating, but he HAD gotten a date with the girl he’d been crushing on since his arrival at the university. The truth is, guys, a lot of time we girls KNOW you’re shy but we need some sort of affirmation that you’re interested in us. Smiling makes you seem like a positive person and believe me, outside of MySpace, no one wants to spend their days with a boyfriend who’s miserable all the time. It’s VERY important to note the difference between a smile and a leer! For those who have trouble telling the difference this is a leer and this is a smile. Simply put, any expression you’d feel weird about making at your grandmother…probably a leer. If you’re someone who doesn’t smile often; practice! A few minutes in front of the mirror practicing before
2) Keep yourself looking neat- Alright, now I understand that one of the hallmarks of geekdom is we don’t care a whole lot about our appearance. I’m not saying to go out and buy an Armani suit here, just that basic hygiene is definitely a plus! Make sure you make friends with deodorant. You may need to apply more than once a day if you live in a hot climate or have active sweat glands. You may think people can’t really notice it, but if you lean over close enough to ask someone out, believe me, we can! Make sure you change your shirts every day. It’s not so bad seeing a pizza stain on your shirt but seeing that same shirt with that same pizza stain on you three to four days in a row… well, lets just say it doesn’t look good. You may see commercials for Axe products where women are flinging themselves left and right, enamored with the scent of this false pheromone. While products like Axe or Tag smell great a lot of men overdo it. Unless you are exceptionally dirty, you probably only need one lather of the stuff. The idea is that body care products illicit a nice pleasant scent to those close to you, not bombard the senses of everyone you happen to pass in the hallway.
3) Be kind to those who approach you- Let’s face it. A lot of the time “normals” are dumb beyond all rational reason. I can completely understand if you don’t WANT to interact with them, but we girls are watching this. I’m not saying you need to bend over backwards to serve those around you, but if someone asks you what was due next week try not to blow them off with “Look it up!”. Shyer girls often observe how you interact with other people (what they see as others taking a risk with you) to gauge how you’d take to them approaching you. I didn’t say it was right, or even fair, but that’s sadly what a lot of them do.

I’m not marketing these tips as some sort of ‘hatch-a-girlfriend’ but the mastery of these three things WILL improve your marketability in the social realm. Brazen girls might approach you and ask YOU out even if you’ve only mastered part one, as was the case with my dear friend Adam. Try not to be too stunned by this. I know many people think that the guy should be the one doing the asking but the truth is it’s a changing social world. Don’t turn her down just because you feel ashamed or emasculated by the act. It takes guts to do it and it hurts us just as much when you say no.

Hello boys and girls!

Neptunian here. I’ve decided to open this blog in the manner of many blogs before me; a self-introduction!

I’m a 21 year old student at the University of Lethbridge and this blog is part of the requirements for a course I’m doing on cyberspace. I have been asked to blog about an area I know a great deal about and so, I present to you the reader a NSFW  blog on Western sexual culture. At this point in time I envision this blog will be a combination of articles written to specific social groups, or to answer any questions that might be sent to me, information of some of the latest sexual health findings, and reviews of toys, sexual aides and films.

Because I’m a heterosexual gal myself, most of what I write is oriented towards this group. However, at all times I’ll be making an effort to keep my reviews and  suggestions as orientation neutral as possible. If you the reader see anyway in which this blog could be improved for diversity or have a question you’d like answered, please feel free to comment or send me an email at ebilneptunian@gmail.com.

~EbilNeptunian